Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Conflict and EI
Those of you who subscribe to my ezine have received the latest one, about Conflict and Emotional Intelligence.
I believe that the avoidance of conflict in relationships is possibly the biggest cause of divorce and separation, loneliness and misery. Wow! I feel strongly about this one. I must admit that I have been guilty of this in my past relationships - so I speak from experience. Avoiding conflict (i.e.pushing the issue under the carpet) gives short term gain but causes long term pain. The stress of walking on eggshells around someone is detrimental to that particular relationship because you are not being yourself, it's detrimental to your health because of the stress you impose on your system and all this stuff will spill over to the rest of your life.
If you are able to deal constructively with conflict in one area of your life, it means you have the skills. The reason you may not do the same in personal relationships has more to do with how you perceive the conflict as being a threat to your emotional safety instead of looking at the potential positive side of being honest.
Coaching challenge: Where do you avoid conflict? If there is a pattern to your avoidance, list the consequences you are hoping to avoid. How satisfying is that area of your life? Then review your history and evaluate whether those beliefs and behaviours have given you the desired outcome (more love, more emotional intimacy and safety). Finally, make a plan to start making small steps with your loved ones to take small risks to listen to what your soul and your heart really want.