Sunday, October 10, 2004


Quality of marriage correlates to EI (emotional intelligence)

"The success of a relationship depends not on how much people love each other, but on the quality of the relationship they have with each other." Author unknown
Daniel Goleman in his groundbreaking book: Emotional Intelligence, Why it can matter more than IQ, states that for a couple marrying in 1990, the likelihood that the marriage will end in divorce is an unbelieveable 67%. Goleman links the high rate of divorce on a deficit in emotional intelligence in one or both partners.
How can you increase the quality of your primary relationship or any relationship for that matter? Simple. Simple but not easy if we are deficient in EI. Listening well and showing that we are listening is one way. Listening as carefully as we listen on a first date with someone we really like. Listening the way you listen to your best friend. (Maybe why couples who report that their mate is their best friend have a lower rate of divorce). "Being all ears". Trouble is apparent in a relationship when one partner starts feeling that "the TV, the game, the car, the work is more important than me". If your partner is saying that and you want to avoid divorce or a miserable marriage (and an unhealthy heart), you need to learn to stop and show that you care by listening. Showing that you care for the feelings of another indicates empathy which is one of the top qualities that make up EI.

Marguerite Tennier
The coach who wants to change the world,
One Man at a Time

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